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Wednesday, 5 June 2013

Back in Australia

Thank you so much for your heartfelt comments on my previous post. They brought me comfort in a very difficult time, and still do. I've been back in Australia since yesterday morning, after spending 5 days with family and friends in Belgium. It was a bittersweet experience, happy to see everyone again after almost 2 years away but so much sadness because one of us was missing and will never again be with us. 

And that reality has hit me like a brick in the head since I'm back. With the kids in school and hubby at work it seems like I can't stop crying. There's this knot in my stomach that doesn't go away, and a heaviness in my heart that seems to have settled there and makes it so much harder to cope with everyday life.


I remember when my father died 9 years ago, I was having such a hard time dealing with it, and after the funeral my sister and I were standing outside and all of a sudden there was this beautiful rainbow in the sky, and it really felt like a message from him to us that everything would be all right, and that he was at peace. It made us laugh and cry at the same time.

The day I got that horrible phonecall from Belgium that my sister had died, we went for a walk in the evening to try and clear our heads, and I was looking up to the sky, wondering where she was and searching for a sign. But there was nothing. And then the morning my hubby and kids brought me to the airport to take the plane to Belgium, a rainbow suddenly started and then filled the whole sky, and stayed with us all the way to the airport. So beautiful, so heart-wrenching, so comforting all at the same time. It was as if she remembered that day of my father's funeral and wanted to let me know that again, everything will be all right and life will  one day be good again.

I'll just have to hold on to that feeling ...

I'll promote my last Etsyshop next week, I'm not really up to it right now. I just want to share a doodle I made while travelling the long long distance from Australia to Belgium.


And this image of Adam Martinakis, that I found on Facebook the other day and expresses so perfectly my feelings of loss, hurt, helplessness and grief.


Don't know where
don't know when
but I'm sure
we'll meet again
some sunny day
...

Thanks for being here ♥ ♥ ♥


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30 comments:

  1. suzieq235 June 2013 at 07:12

    I am so so sorry for your loss. I hope time will ease the pain.

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  2. PaintingWrite5 June 2013 at 09:09

    My heart goes out to you at this horrible time. I imagine that being so far away from family and friends makes it seem even more difficult but how poignant that the rainbow appeared for you again just as you were beginning the long journey home to Belgium. I don't want to offer trite platitudes as I've never yet had to experience the death of a close family member so I can only guess at how it feels for you. But know that your online community of art friends are out here and wishing you only good things. X

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  3. Marianne5 June 2013 at 09:29

    Dit is hartverscheurend, Denise en heeft veel tijd nodig. Heel veel tijd. Neem alle tijd om dit groot verlies te verwerken.
    Heel veel sterkte.
    Liefs, Marianne

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  4. Carol5 June 2013 at 16:32

    Tears stream down my face as I read your post and my heart weeps for your pain. I wish that I could reach across the ocean and fold you in my arms ...know that I think of you daily and send you healing thoughts and love. So glad that you got your rainbow to ease your your journey ♥♥♥♥♥

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  5. christiene6 June 2013 at 00:02

    Ha Denise,neem de tijd....
    groot is jou verdriet maar eens komt de tijd
    dat je met een glimlach aan haar denkt.
    Liefs
    Een groetje
    Christiene.,

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  6. sharon6 June 2013 at 01:51

    Nenise my heart goes out to you. My eyes are full of tears for you, I know that feeling of being so far away from family while grieving (my dad died while I was living in France, it was horrible) The words on your painting say it all, you will always have the memories. most important of all she is with you always, she sent the rainbow to remind you. Hugs Sharon

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  7. Unknown6 June 2013 at 14:42

    Hugs xx

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  8. Tammie Lee6 June 2013 at 18:48

    oh dear Denthe, i am so very sorry for your loss. Reading this and your last post and i am brought to tears. i am so happy you had the rainbows, there is something about light, rain, rainbows around someones passing that is often given to us, birds as well. it must be an available form of communication, a communication our hearts know how to decipher. I am sending light from my heart to yours, wishing you peace.

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  9. Valerie-Jael7 June 2013 at 16:36

    So sorry to hear about your loss. Give yourself time to come to terms with it. I know how you feel. Take comfort in the bright colours and the rainbow that surrounds you! Hugs, Valerie

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  10. froebelsternchen7 June 2013 at 18:19

    I am sorry for you loss!
    I feel with you!
    Blessings!



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  11. Christine7 June 2013 at 19:27

    Tears in my eyes...life is incomprehensible at times. Your sketch expresses your sadness too.

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  12. janice smith7 June 2013 at 19:43

    Oh, Denise. I am so, so sorry to hear of this. The loss of a sister is so overwhelming...I can't imagine what it's like when it is sudden. My heart is with you, friend. May there be many rainbows and many other signs of your sister's care for you in the coming days. You will never stop missing her but your heart will heal and little by little the joy will return. The love of a sister can never be lost. I will hold you close in my thoughts and prayers.

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  13. Tam Hess7 June 2013 at 19:50

    Your sketch is wonderful...lots of emotion in there. I LOVE that picture of the shattered person. MOVING! Hugs

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  14. Unknown7 June 2013 at 21:03

    Dear Denthe, I am so sorry for your loss, when I read your post I was completely shocked. Sending you lots of blessings and healing thoughts and also the biggest hug ever. thank you for sharing beautiful and healing art. Much, much love to you.

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  15. kat7 June 2013 at 21:57

    Hello, I'm so sorry to hear about this devastating news. It's times like that when special signs are important, those rainbows were like comforting arms around you from your loved ones. You are so right we really need to lavish love on those around us we love so dearly, a comforting squeeze I send your way! xx

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  16. Nicola8 June 2013 at 00:20

    Oh Denthe, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. My heart goes out to you at this time. That must have been such a tough trip. My family are from the other side of the world too, I can only imagine what it must have been like.
    I am sending a big hug your way, you are in my thoughts. xxxxx

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  17. Debbie8 June 2013 at 01:47

    This is such sad news about your sister, and I'm so very sorry to hear it. I pray you find comfort and peace, nowing you will see her and your dad again someday. I enjoyed your pretty painting and the awesome sketch you did on the plane.

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  18. Carola Bartz8 June 2013 at 01:52

    Denise, I am so sorry for what you just went through and are still going through. The words about letting go in your doodle image couldn't say it better. I wish you all the strength you need to go through the next days and weeks. Grief takes its own time, and it's different for everybody.
    I love the rainbow - and it was meant for you. I do think it's been a sign from your sister.

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  19. Fallingladies8 June 2013 at 03:44

    I am so sorry for your sadness! You have expressed it well in your art, hopefully creating that piece helped you to get thru it a bit!

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  20. GlorV18 June 2013 at 16:42

    Hi Denthe. Sending you peace and healing thoughts. I am so sorry for your loss. I know the feeling. I'm happy that you had a rainbow appear. We always wish for a sign of sorts and I'm sure your sister was at your side. Hold on to the memories. ::hugs::

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  21. Arnoldo L. Romero, MLA8 June 2013 at 18:49

    I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you found some comfort while working on your beautiful artwork. Blessings!

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  22. Ariel9 June 2013 at 14:06

    I'm so sorry for this unexpected tragedy that happened. May your sister's soul rest in peace.
    Prayers and hugs
    Susan

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  23. Anonymous9 June 2013 at 19:30

    Denthe, I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you and your family find some peace soon. Just for now, hold on the wonderful memories you shared together. Hugs and blessings...

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  24. Giggles9 June 2013 at 22:26

    Dearest lady artist, life is so hard right now, my heart is with you, I can only wish you snippets of bright spots as you grieve through the pain. My promise to you are brighter times ahead. Although you will be forever changed, the ache will become more manageable as your grief is put to rest. That forever void will propel new perspective, new art and healing..... Much love to you Denise as you deal with what feels impossible, unfair, and devastating...

    Peace and love to your family too....

    Big hugs Giggles

    I think your art is heart wrenching and beautiful. So much greif in their expressions...

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  25. pauline11 June 2013 at 01:18

    oh Denthe....i am SO so sorry to hear this sad news. There is really nothing to say when one feels such grief... especially when it happens this suddenly. My heart is with you Denise - i hope that you are able to work through the sadness in your own way, on your own terms, and do what feels right for you. Know that you (and your family) are in my thoughts during these difficult times. (i loved your rainbow story...) Take good care of yourself. xox

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  26. Maria Medeiros12 June 2013 at 19:24

    Denthe you brought tears to my eyes. Death is so hard to deal with because we feel so much. I lost my mom four years ago and I still cry and miss her. Hang in there, be strong and hang on to the memories. May her spirit live forever!

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  27. Maria Medeiros13 June 2013 at 18:58

    He hello Denthe! I made a blog post dedicated to you. http://cozydoodle.blogspot.ca/2013/06/icad-11-sisters.html. Hope you are okay.

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  28. Cathy Hetzel13 June 2013 at 21:51

    Hi Denthe.....very sorry to hear about your sister......big hug....Cathy

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  29. JoshVoice15 June 2013 at 10:22

    Hi Denthe I am sorry for you loss your sister.I feel with you and
    Blessings.http://joshvoiceovers.com.au/.i hope you are ok.

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  30. Ayala Art21 June 2013 at 06:34

    Oh this is so sad... I am so sorry you lost your sister, I wish I could give you a hug and make things better. It is never easy to say goodbye to a loved one.
    I was reading a newer post but had to come read this other one to leave a comment.
    I hope little by little your heart heals.

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Thanks for taking the time to comment! I love hearing your thoughts about my work. Because I am getting too many spammer comments, l have to use Captcha, sorry. Hope this is not a problem for you !